Entry Five

After my time stationed in Norfolk was up, I was getting ready to get out and move back home.  I literally had two weeks left.  My plans were to move back to my grandparents temporarily and go back to my civilian job as a Travel Agent.  They had laws that would make them accept me back, right?  One day while talking to the Air-Boss in the tower, he found out that I was going back to Minneapolis and that’s the duty station he was just the Commander at.  He made a phone call, I talked to BUPERS for orders and low-and-behold, I re-enlisted! I had orders to be stationed in my home town.  What?? Omg, what just happened? I thought I was trying to get out? Again, something in me said this was the right move & I felt guided.

When my time was up, I knew I wanted to stay home and plant my feet in Minnesota. I didn’t want to leave my family and that time, I was 30 years old. I had plans to meet a guy, fall in love and make a life here.  - - - Still waiting for THAT to happen but that’s a story for later.  My Grandpa kept insisting that it was important for me to stay in the military, retire and think of my future.  I honored his opinion but just didn’t want to uproot and I wanted freedom.  (Nothing against the military but you do know they control your duty station, etc.)  I enlisted into the Reserves.  I was pretty lucky that I had 2 months of leave saved up so I was able to job hunt & prep in that time. 

I had heard of & kept bugging Reggie Worlds, with the Department of Veterans Affairs (State/American Legion) claims office.  Seriously, after weeks of begging him for a job, he hired me on for a temp position and a month or so later, I left to work for the Department of Veterans Affairs (Federal).   I felt bad but we both knew I had to take a full time job with benefits.

Entry Six

Later that year, my Grandfather died.  I was coming home from drill one Saturday afternoon & my Grandma called me.  I figured it was our usual weekend call to let me know if they wanted me to turn their a.c. on the next day for when they got home from the lake and being up north.  Instead, I heard the words I had dreaded for years “Your grandpa’s in the hospital and he’s not going to make it.”  They had been at their campsite in Garrison & they flew him to H.C.M.C. in Minneapolis.  I was so shocked & didn’t know what to do.  Through a fog of phone calls & tears, I somehow managed to make my way to the hospital, not knowing where it was or where to park.  Family & friends had gathered for his final moments. I wanted so bad just to see him one last time but we were too late.   I remember a chaplain asking if anyone wanted to pray over him.  It was just me and a friend with the Chaplain and we said the Lord’s Prayer.  (My family was not religious at all and we never went to church.  I had just recently started to want to learn about God while serving in the Navy.)  When I touched him, he was so cold but I remember walking out to the waiting room & I said “I know he heard us.”  I was so firm with my thoughts that a friend felt bad because she thought that I thought he was still alive.  I knew his body was gone but something told me that his spirit lives on.  This was my first big loss, as so I’ve been told.  I have no idea what made me think that at the time but I “felt” it.

During the week of his death, we had been really busy with planning the funeral & getting everything lined up.  I knew I wanted to speak and give a eulogy but I couldn’t decide what story to tell so I told one of his favorites.  We had been driving from Virginia to Minnesota when I was transferring. After being on the road all day and all night, I had seen a sign for “Memphis”. I was so excited and asked him if we could stop for the night and visit Graceland the next day.  He said yes and after a few miles, I wasn’t seeing a sign for Graceland. He was playing along for some time when he finally busted out laughing and said “We’re in Memphis, Indiana – not Tennessee.” I was so embarrassed and pissed.  He laughed at that all the time.  He played me all along & enjoyed every minute of it.

Entry Seven

The night of his funeral, my mom, aunt & grandma went out to eat at my favorite Mexican restaurant.  I had been there numerous times but never knew they had a mariachi band perform on Friday nights.  The band was at the other side of the restaurant and we had a hard time hearing each other talk because they were so loud.  After a few songs, they stood right by our table and played “La cucaracha”.  This was the first time ever that I knew signs from your loved ones on the other side were possible.  Side note – a favorite childhood memory of mine is living in Arizona when I was 8 years old.  My grandparents came to visit us and we went to Mexico one day.  That night, my Grandpa, being silly as always, sang my sister, Jessica & I to sleep but he sang La cucaracha and was shaking our maraca’s we had just bought.  We laughed & laughed.  The reasons why I KNOW for a FACT that this band playing was the work of my Grandpa is not only that song with a significant meaning, but I had instant goose-bumps.  I laughed, then I cried then I laughed again.  These weren’t just emotions of losing my best friend, these were an overwhelming feeling that I just “knew” somehow that this is what’s going on with the spiritual world. 

Also, that week, my sister, Jacki, saw him in her dreams.  She was pregnant at the time & he knew it.  She knew that it was real & we felt that he was letting her know that he would be with her and look over her.  He died July 22^nd.  She was due in the beginning of January. 

About a month before Christmas, I had this gut feeling & was being guided that I would drive my sister to the hospital.  I kept teasing her by saying I’ll be ready and that it will be around Christmas time.  He boyfriend could’ve easily been the one to take her or any other relatives but I knew it would be me.  Christmas Eve, we were at my dad’s house getting ready to eat dinner.  Jacki wasn’t feeling well and thought she had indigestion or something.  She asked that I take her to the hospital & then we would return to my dad’s afterwards.  I don’t even remember the drive to the hospital but I was told I drove pretty fast.  What should’ve taken us at least 45 minutes only took 10.  I knew she was in labor.  Yep – she sure was! 

The thing is; Grandpa was Christmas.  For years and years, he decorated the house & yard for Christmas and he even played Santa Claus for families & local stores.  He loved it!  I think we were all afraid to face Christmas morning without my Grandpa.  It would’ve been empty, sad & different.  I prayed & prayed for a diversion.  What a great diversion we got too! My nephew was born Christmas Eve around 9pm.  The family brought dinner to the hospital.  The next morning, we didn’t even have a chance to be sad.  This was the first baby in our family & we were very excited to spend Christmas at the hospital.  My Uncle Marty even donned my Grandpa’s Santa suit and we went to the hospital like that.  It was magical.

There’s been many times when received signs from him. 

Entry Eight

In August of 2011, I attended a Women Veterans Retreat.  I didn’t know what was involved, I just knew that it was free and a few of my friends would be there so it had to be fun.  This is when I learned about Holistic Healing.  The events included numerous facilitators who were bringing messages and teachings of healing.  I hadn’t even realized I needed healing but I remember being filled with tears of joy, not only for me but for others.  I was asked to volunteer to stand up, in front of the group.  One of the facilitators handed me a set of dowsing rods.  I had no idea what they were but I quickly found out that they are cool! I learned that they read energy and that I held great, positive energy within me.  Of course I liked hearing that, who wouldn’t?  This is also where I first learned about Chakra’s and energy healing.   I guess I needed my chakras aligned - LOL.  Who knew? Well, my Spirit Guides did but that’s another story for later.  I also learned that a close, dear friend of mine had these “gifts” to heal but she had them closed off for so long, that she never spoke of it.  This whole experience was a real eye opener, I should I say 3^rd Eye opener? I was hooked but it would be sometime before I encountered anything else like that again.

A couple of weeks after this weekend, I met up with my friend Kathy (who I met at the retreat) and she did some Tai Chi Yoga/Energy Healing on me.  I felt very relaxed and she helped open some blood flow in my body and gave me some stretches that felt very awakening.  The soft music was enough to send me into a blissful state of mind.  At the end, we meditated.  I've never done that before.  I remember seeing my higher-self, looking down at me and feeling proud.  I cried and cried at this special moment.  I literally saw my soul!!  I had no idea this was possible and I wanted to do it again!!

My next memory that I can recall of experiencing when someone knew more about me than I did of myself is when my friend Sheila prayed for me.  She said when she was meditating and sending prayers to those who needed it, I came to her mind but she couldn’t send it to me because I was so blocked and that she had to send these positive thoughts through my feet.  I said “What?”  You can vision something like that? I couldn’t believe it! Not only was it very touching that somebody would do this for me but to push it through no matter what.  Then I realized if I’m that blocked, what happens next?
 

This explains why I’m lonely. (At this time in 2011)

Entry Nine

I hadn’t had a real boyfriend since 2000, when we were on the ship together.  The next guy I dated wasn’t until 2004 but that wasn’t serious.  It had been 11 years since I had any kind of real relationship.  I kept hearing “it will happen when you least expect it” blah – blah – blah.  I fucking hated hearing that all the time!! I was least expecting it for many years!  I also swore that I would punch somebody in the throat the next time I heard “you’re too busy for a boyfriend”.  Well I sure as hell wasn’t going to meet him while sitting at home watching TV either.  Ugh this kept pissing me off! I was busy because I DIDN’T have someone in my life.  I remember telling my comrades that if I met someone while running through the District Chairs, then I would stop at the end of that year.  I mean, I was seriously praying to be married and have babies by then. My clock was ticking!  My sister Jacki would always tease me and say “Tic-toc, tic-toc”.  After all, I was 35 about this time & I was scared that my life wasn’t what I had planned it to be.  (I’ve since learned that there’s bigger & better plans.)

2013 – I’m sitting in a hotel room during a Conference and my friend Sharon shows me something.  She takes a pendulum and starts talking to her Spirit Guides.  The pendulum swings back and forth and in circles to the left then the right.  I almost couldn’t believe what I was seeing but…I trusted her.   I knew she wasn’t playing any tricks on me.  She would ask questions that were related to her life & receive guidance.  The next day, I went home and tried it with a necklace.  Holy shit! It moved & I didn’t do anything except hold it very still!  I had no idea how this was working but I remember that I didn’t feel so alone anymore.

Sharon introduced me to her friends Rachelle & Sharri.  They are psychic mediums who build their own company called “My Angels Rock”.  I made an appointment to have a reading with them and this was another day that changed my life.  I was told that I am more intuitive than I realized and that I should work with my gift.

They also told me that I will be in a relationship by the end of the year.  This gave me so much hope and reassurance.  It had been 7 years since I was dating.  It’s a long time to be alone but for the most part, I was happy with my life and had been very blessed with wonderful family, friends, people & opportunities.

I loved these ladies! They were so friendly, upbeat and hilarious! I wanted to see them again really bad, but I didn’t want to have to pay them - LOL.  (That was my inside joke for a while.)  I had the chance to sit with them at an expo, a couple of months later.  It was fascinating! A whole room full of people who were psychics, mediums and other teachers of spirituality.  I wanted more.

Entry Ten

I had just received a new credit card so I was in Heaven. I had a few readings done & bought some crystals.  My favorite reading from that day was with Lisa Andres.  I wanted to be like her.  She gave me her card & I was thrilled!  Like Rachelle & Sharri, I wanted to see her again but not for myself.  I wanted to watch and learn.   That’s when I knew that receiving messages from loved ones who have passed away, can be very reassuring and give closure.  I never needed closure with my Grandpa, we were on good terms and no un-finished business.  I also was at peace with him dying because I knew he was in a better place.  Of course I miss him, we all miss our loved ones, but there’s something peaceful about knowing that they are still with us.  I also liked how Lisa had a Poppy on her business card.  I’m very fond of Poppies and they have a special meaning to me since my involvement in the VFW and learning that they stand for the blood that’s shed for our Freedom.  How fitting.

Rachelle & Sharri had invited me to one of their monthly meetings.