Welcome

Hot damn, I’m doing this!  Welcome to my blog!  I explain my experiences about death, messages from loved ones & how I got involved in Holistic Healing.  I will catch you up to the present time and after that, this will serve as my journal.  Thank you for being on my journey with me!

Entry One

Wow, where to even begin? Oh I know - thank you for stopping by! I was given the message, twice, that I needed to blog. My first thought was "Why, me? Who cares about what I have to say?" Then I thought, "a-ha, yes me, who am I NOT to share my thoughts?" So here I am, here you are, here we are. What made you decide to take the time to see what I have to say? I know what it is, we are connected in one way or another. Are you patriotic? Are you a healer? Are you both? I am! Hence the name, "Patriotic Healer". You're probably asking what that means & I'm happy to explain.

I served in the US Navy from November 10, 1998 - May 9, 2007. I was stationed in Norfolk, Virginia on board the USS Dwight D. Eisenhower until 2004. Then I transferred home to work in the LEADS Department at the Mpls Navy Recruting Headquarters. I spent my last year in the Reserves. During my last couple of years in Norfolk, we (our ship) was in the Newport News Shipyard. This meant that we had many early days off of work. Since I wasn't going to school or working part time, I didn't want to just sit around so I began to volunteer at the local American Legion. This is where I learned what Patriotism was/is. I served as the House Committee Chairman and the Assistant Newsletter Editor. I would volunteer to work dinners and patriotic events. It was the time of my life. But it wasn't until you'd sit down next to your buddy who had been drinking all day and learned that he was shot at, jaw replaced, or watching your enemy walk right by you within inches of reach or other un-mentionables. I also learned that at that time, it had been 25-30 years that my friend & mentor slept with one eye opened. I had no idea what PTSD was or that this was even real. It occured to me that the more they drank, the more they opened up. I knew that this was huge for them. They trusted me enough to share their deepest fears and thoughts with me. This is when I knew that I wanted to give back for the rest of my life. I made a promise to them.

Fast forward to 2006. I had been home for two years but hadn't transferred or joined another Legion yet. I had spent lots of time with my family & friends but they all had their own lives so I was finally inspired to join. I transferred my Legion membership & was now eligible for the Veterans of Foreign Wars (VFW). Nothing against the Legion but I was drawn more to the VFW, where I was immediately elected into a Post position that would allow me to run through the chairs as we call it, or move up in rank. That one move changed my whole life.

Entry Two

In 2008, I left my Federal job to work at the VFW State HQ office as the State Activities Director.  Because it was a much lower paying job & I was no longer receiving housing allowance from being out of the Navy, I moved from a two bedroom apartment to a one-bedroom and I got rid of my garage.  I made as many sacrifices as I could to hold this position that meant so much to me.  What a great feeling this was to work for the very organization that I loved so dearly and was active with.

Around this time is when my term as Post Commander was ending & then I was appointed as the District Adjutant.  I was also continuing to be involved with the Anoka County Veterans Council, Women Veterans Initiative Working Group, MN WAVES, Patriot Guard & Blue Star Mom’s.  I know, I know, sounds busy right? At the time, it wasn’t. I just took it one day at a time and if I was able to attend a meeting or event then I would.  My feelings were this “It’s better than sitting at home, alone & doing nothing.” (Especially in a one bedroom.) I felt like I lived in a shoe box and that I didn’t have any room to breathe.

In January, 2009, I was let go from my job. I had never been fired in my life & I was devastated.  For the sake of the other person’s privacy, all I can say is that I didn’t do anything wrong.  I pretty much knew right away though that it was a blessing in disguise. 

I spent the 2009 and part of 2010 years unemployed.  Although I was very active at the Work Force Center and always applying for positions, I kept busy with volunteering because it gave me a purpose or something positive to look towards.  This particular summer gave me the opportunity to attend services for some young men who were killed in action.

Entry Three

In 2010, I finally got a job at the Minneapolis VA Medical Center/Health Care System.  Being unemployed sucked but I had always tried to remain positive.  I had a few hard days but I always got by & had great people in my life, who helped me.  By this time, I’m in an elected position for the VFW District which meant that I had a good chance of moving up the ranks, which would take a few years.  My involvement with the National VFW Women Veterans Committee was huge too.  I had to start letting go of my other involvements.  I remained busy, just had other responsibilities that I was committed to.

In May, 2012, I bought a house.  The idea to see if I even qualified or what I needed to do to set a goal to be qualified was planted in my head so I called a friend of mine, Dana, who is a Realtor and fellow Comrade.  I found out that day that I qualified for a decent amount so the house hunting began.  Dana would send me links after links and the first house I saw, I fell in love with. He agreed with me but of course, we kept looking.  Many current owners didn’t accept VA loans & a lot of the houses had mold or needed a lot of work.  When we decided to take a look at the house I loved, I knew immediately that it was mine.  It had a beautiful backyard with woods that border behind the fence line, a garage, spare room & it felt quant.  It was perfect for just me.  This caught me off guard. I had no idea that when I woke up that day of when this idea was given to me, that I would be planning to buy my own house, by myself too.  I had just renewed my apartment lease & couldn’t see myself being a home-owner with no experience at all.  Something in me just felt right though and I went for it.  7 weeks later, I was all moved in.  It was the best feeling in the world and I still feel a lot of pride.  Everything felt “right” and I rolled along with it.  I felt like I could breathe by enjoying a yard for once and not feeling crammed in a tiny space.  I had always imagined that I would just wait to be in a relationship before moving into a house.  I like the traditional role of a man providing the household and it made sense for two incomes.  I wasn’t even scared.  I had friends that doubted my decision because of the maintenance and money that came with it but I never worried about any of those things until it was time.  Somehow, I just knew in my heart that I was guided to do this.

Entry Four

This now reminds me of a few big choices I’ve made in my life.  I always hated school and never knew what I really wanted to do when I grew up.  I recall on graduation night though that I told myself I wanted to work in the Travel Industry someday.  4 years later, I attended a private college (McConnell) in downtown Minneapolis & became a Travel Agent for Hobbit Travel.  I don’t know why I waited so long but now I believe it was all divine timing.  Not even a year later is when I wanted to join the military.  My best friend at that time, Jeremy, talked me into it. He had a lot of family in the military and being a Tom-Boy, I was a big fan of airplanes.  I fell in love with the SR-71 Blackbird, which was on display at a local museum.  So I went to the Air Force recruiter in Crystal, MN.  They weren’t in at the time but the Navy Recruiter who worked next door was.  I had no idea what I was doing, all I said is that I want to see a jet for my first time.  Oh my god! Who in the hell just signs up for the military in a matter of a few days and especially with no knowledge of what to expect at all???  I signed up and left one month later, just like that.  The hardest part was telling my family. We had no history of Veterans (except my paternal grandfather who had long been passed away) and at that time, I was 22 years old.  I had never once spoke of the military or dreamed of it in any way.  I remember the day I left for boot-camp.  Saddest day for the longest time.  I had lived with my grandparents and when my recruiter, Jack Morgan, came to pick me up at 5am, I went downstairs from my room, to say good-bye. My grandpa cried so hard, he couldn’t even say the word bye.  Being that it was November, my grandpa had always decorated the yard for Christmas (like Clark Griswold), before the ground froze.  As we pulled out of the driveway, he flipped the Christmas lights on for me and that set the tone of me crying all the way to Chicago.  It was a very strange day.  They pile a bunch of us at the MEPS station and even though I don’t recall too many exact details from that day, I remember that we didn’t leave the airport until late at night and that had sucked sitting around waiting and not knowing what’s going on.  We all know “hurry up and wait”…lol, right? 

Throughout boot-camp, I was assigned as the Ships “Yeoman” & that allowed me to be independent and run a lot of errands.  It was pretty smooth sailing for me…no pun intended.  I recall just knowing that I was numb to the fact that I was away from home and in a very different culture.  I knew that I was meant to be there and I felt guided and comfortable.

Hmmm…there’s that word again, guided.

Entry Five

After my time stationed in Norfolk was up, I was getting ready to get out and move back home.  I literally had two weeks left.  My plans were to move back to my grandparents temporarily and go back to my civilian job as a Travel Agent.  They had laws that would make them accept me back, right?  One day while talking to the Air-Boss in the tower, he found out that I was going back to Minneapolis and that’s the duty station he was just the Commander at.  He made a phone call, I talked to BUPERS for orders and low-and-behold, I re-enlisted! I had orders to be stationed in my home town.  What?? Omg, what just happened? I thought I was trying to get out? Again, something in me said this was the right move & I felt guided.

When my time was up, I knew I wanted to stay home and plant my feet in Minnesota. I didn’t want to leave my family and that time, I was 30 years old. I had plans to meet a guy, fall in love and make a life here.  - - - Still waiting for THAT to happen but that’s a story for later.  My Grandpa kept insisting that it was important for me to stay in the military, retire and think of my future.  I honored his opinion but just didn’t want to uproot and I wanted freedom.  (Nothing against the military but you do know they control your duty station, etc.)  I enlisted into the Reserves.  I was pretty lucky that I had 2 months of leave saved up so I was able to job hunt & prep in that time. 

I had heard of & kept bugging Reggie Worlds, with the Department of Veterans Affairs (State/American Legion) claims office.  Seriously, after weeks of begging him for a job, he hired me on for a temp position and a month or so later, I left to work for the Department of Veterans Affairs (Federal).   I felt bad but we both knew I had to take a full time job with benefits.

Entry Six

Later that year, my Grandfather died.  I was coming home from drill one Saturday afternoon & my Grandma called me.  I figured it was our usual weekend call to let me know if they wanted me to turn their a.c. on the next day for when they got home from the lake and being up north.  Instead, I heard the words I had dreaded for years “Your grandpa’s in the hospital and he’s not going to make it.”  They had been at their campsite in Garrison & they flew him to H.C.M.C. in Minneapolis.  I was so shocked & didn’t know what to do.  Through a fog of phone calls & tears, I somehow managed to make my way to the hospital, not knowing where it was or where to park.  Family & friends had gathered for his final moments. I wanted so bad just to see him one last time but we were too late.   I remember a chaplain asking if anyone wanted to pray over him.  It was just me and a friend with the Chaplain and we said the Lord’s Prayer.  (My family was not religious at all and we never went to church.  I had just recently started to want to learn about God while serving in the Navy.)  When I touched him, he was so cold but I remember walking out to the waiting room & I said “I know he heard us.”  I was so firm with my thoughts that a friend felt bad because she thought that I thought he was still alive.  I knew his body was gone but something told me that his spirit lives on.  This was my first big loss, as so I’ve been told.  I have no idea what made me think that at the time but I “felt” it.

During the week of his death, we had been really busy with planning the funeral & getting everything lined up.  I knew I wanted to speak and give a eulogy but I couldn’t decide what story to tell so I told one of his favorites.  We had been driving from Virginia to Minnesota when I was transferring. After being on the road all day and all night, I had seen a sign for “Memphis”. I was so excited and asked him if we could stop for the night and visit Graceland the next day.  He said yes and after a few miles, I wasn’t seeing a sign for Graceland. He was playing along for some time when he finally busted out laughing and said “We’re in Memphis, Indiana – not Tennessee.” I was so embarrassed and pissed.  He laughed at that all the time.  He played me all along & enjoyed every minute of it.